Monday, December 5, 2011

Ho Sit Down! Week 13 - Roy E Williams

When you give the general public an opportunity to voice their opinion, you need to be prepared to hear some pretty stupid shit. Maybe I'm just saying that because I think that most people I come in contact with on any given day are, in fact, stupid. It's not because I think I have a superior level of intelligence... it's just that I like to take a step back, apply common sense, and make rational choices in my everyday life. But after 26+ years on this Earth, I'm slowly coming to the grips that most people don't actually do this. Whether it's the oblivious MF driving 60 MPH in the left lane while you lay on your horn behind them or the grimey MF who refuses to wash his hands before spreading his dick germs all on the bathroom door handle, a lot of people just don't use the thinking part of their brains.

So what did I do?

I went straight to them for their opinions.

I decided to let the people vote for who deserves the Ho Sit Down! treatment for week 13. We polled eight NFL experts -- seven are Bears fans and one is an unbiased 49ers fan living in Chicago -- to see how they answer the following question:

"If you could pick one person who fucked it more than anyone else in the Bears loss to the Chiefs, who you got?"

After such a poor offensive display against KC, I'm not surprised at the variety of the answers. What was surprising is the fact that the only person to vote for Jerry Angelo was the only person that's not even a Bears fan. And while he's definitely right about this whole thing being JA's fault, we're not gonna talk about how Angelo failed to recruit a legitamate backup QB, in case Cutler went down.

I was (almost) shocked to learn that only two people voted for Caleb Hanie. Hanie was the first response I received, as well as my vote (had I registered to vote), so I figured he might run away with this poll. Hanie missed badly on throws to open receivers when he wasn't busy making poor decisions (like holding on to the ball too long instead of throwing it away). But since Hanie only received two countable votes this week, he'll have to try a lot harder to get the HSD! treatment next week.

The runner up in this week's poll was Mike Martz. Although he only came one vote shy of defending his HSD! belt, he just couldn't do enough to come out with this week's award. But with the incredible perseverance that we know him for, we can all expect Martz to be in the running again next week and beyond.

That brings us to this week's scapegoat (and first time recipient of the HSD! honors)... Roy E Williams.

Williams struggled throughout the game to get off the line of scrimmage while being jammed. He lost his footing a few times and was a general non-factor. It wasn't until the most crucial drive of the game that Roy E made his presence felt, dropping a potentially game-tying TD with 4:01 left on the clock. Not only did he not catch the big brown thing flying at this head, he decided it would be smart to play popcorn with it in a sea of KC defenders, allowing the ball to be legally up-for-grabs. When the Chiefs came down with the interception, that pretty much wrapped it up.

Personally, I think Hanie fucked it way worse than anybody else with his poor play, but since my vote doesn't count this week (and only this week), I'll bring it full circle with the most important theme of the 2011-2012 Bears season... Roy Will did not have one MF first down celebration for the second straight week. Now, it's kinda hard to celebrate a first down when you don't have any catches and it's hard to catch the ball when it's only thrown in your direction one time all game, Caleb Hanie. But this is the NFL, and we can't blame anybody but Roy E Williams for a ho-ass-zero-FDC performance against the Chiefs. So Roy E, this one's for you...



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